More Funny! Options

[Spartan]

There are several men in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:

"Hello?"
"Honey, It's me."
"Sugar!"
"Are you at the club?"
"Yes."
"Great! I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I
saw a beautiful mink coat... It is absolutely gorgeous!!!
Can I buy it?"
"What's the price?"
"Only $1,500.00"
"Well, OK, go ahead and get, if you like it that much..."
"Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."
"What price did he quote you?"
"Only $60,000..."
"OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
"Great!, before we hang up, something else..."
"What?"
"It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and...I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year ... it's for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property..."
"How much are they asking?"
"Only $1,450,000... a magnificent price, and I see that we have enough in the bank to cover..."
"Well, than go ahead and buy it, but just bid $1,420,000. OK?"
"OK, sweetie... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
"Bye... I do too..."

The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present:

"Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"



I want to Die Feeling like a woman!

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there anyone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this."




THE Perfect DAY!

THE PERFECT DAY - HER
8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses
9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale
9:30 Light Breakfast
11:00 Sunbathe
12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
1:45 Shopping
2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex - notice she's gained 30 lbs
3:00 Facial, massage, nap
7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing
10:00 Make love
11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms


THE PERFECT DAY - HIM
6:45 Alarm.
7:00- 7:30 Shower and massage.
7:30- 7:45 Blowjob.
7:45- 8:15 Massive dump while reading USA Today sports section.
8:15 Limo arrives, Stoli Bloody Marys.
8:30 Butler Aviation, O'Hare Field, Lear Jet to Augusta,Georgia.
9:30 Front nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
11:30-12:30 Lunch - 2 dozen oysters, 3 Heinekens.
12:30-12:45 Blowjob.
12:45- 2:30 Back nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
2:30 Limo to Augusta Airport, Bombay Sapphire Martini.
3:30- 6:15 Nassau, Bahamas, Afternoon fishing with all female crew
(topless). Catch 1249 lb. Blue Marlin. Grilled tuna
and steamed lobster appetizers, six Heinekens, nap.
6:15- 6:30 Blowjob.
6:30 Lear Jet return flight, total body massage in transit.
7:30 Shit, shower and shave.
8:00- 9:00 Watch CNN Live coverage of Bill Clinton's resignation.
Hillary and Al Gore are indicted in the same scandal
(which involves graphic pictures and large farm
animals).
9:00-10:30 Dinner at Ritz Carlton, Oysters Casino, 20 oz. Filet
mignons (rare), Gorgonzola salad, Fettucini Alfredo,
Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1963 (magnum) creme brule,
Louis XII Cognac, Cohiba Lancero
10:30-11:30 Sex with 3 women (minimum two with mixed racial origin)
11:30-12:00 Whirlpool, steam and massage. Women quietly get dressed,
hail cab and leave.