Joke Thread, post all your jokes here Options

[Too Exclusive]

we need some damn humor on this forum. I'll kick it off:

So I walk into a bar one day, and order a few drinks. I notice that there's a jar full of money there, so I ask, "Hey bartender, what's this jar for?"
"It's for all the people that try to make the horse out back laugh. They put 5 dollars in, and if they make it laugh, they get the whole jar."
So I put 5 dollars in, go out back, and two minutes later the horse comes in laughing his ass off, so I walk out with the money.
Next month I walk in the bar, and there's another jar there with less money in it, so after ordering a few drinks, I ask the bartender what the jar was for. He said it's for all the people who tried to make the horse out back cry. So I go outside, and a few minutes later the horse comes in crying his eyes out. As I'm walking out with the money, the bartender inquires, "How did you make the horse laugh last month and then make him cry this month?"
I said, "Well, last month, I told him I was more hung than him, this month I showed him."

There's this farm, and on the farm there's a horse and a girl. One day, the horse asks the girl if she wanted to go for a walk, and she agrees. They set off on their journey, and after 5 minutes the horse slips and falls into the mud! "Help me girl!" he shouts.
The girl exclaims, "Oh my god! I'll go get the BMW!" So a few minutes later, she has the car, ties a rope around the horse, and lifts him out of the mud.
"Thank you girl!" says the horse.
The next day, the girl asks the horse if he wants to go on another walk, and the horse gladly agrees. This time, the girl falls in the mud. "Help me horsy!" the girl cries out.
The horse stands over her and says, "I don't need no BMW, grab on!" So the girl grabs on to the horses dong, and the horse lifts her out of the mud.
"Thank you horsy!" says the girl.
Moral of the story: You don't need a BMW to pick up chicks, you just need to be hung like a horse

everybody should post the best jokes they know.

This post has been edited by Too Exclusive: 08/06/05 9:53am

[Too Exclusive]

Rabbit Joke

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit
jump out across the middle of the road.

He swerves to avoid hitting it,
but unfortunately the rabbit
jumps right in front of the car.

The driver, a sensitive man
as well as an animal lover,
pulls over and gets out to see
what has become of the rabbit.
Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead.
The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway
sees the man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.
She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explains,
"I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."

The blonde says, "Don't worry."
She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.
She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit,
bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.

The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them
and hops off down the road.

Ten feet away the rabbit stops,
turns around and waves again,
he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another
ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again
and again and again,
until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished.

He runs over to the woman and demands,
"What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"

The woman turns the can around
so that the man can read the label.

It says...

(Are you ready for this?)

(Are you sure?)

(This is bad!)

(It's not even a Blonde Joke!)

(You know you could just click off and not read the punch line....)

(You can still delete it)

(You know you're gonna be sorry)

(Last chance)

(OK, here it is)

It says,
.
.
.
.

"Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, adds permanent wave."