poor conduct by your members Options

[Maj. H8Red]

[Mr.Ever-so smart-ass ].

thanks for the compliment, HF. Check this one out....


One day a priest was talking to his understudy. The priest informs him that he has an important meeting with a bishop & the understudy would need to hear confession & give absolution.
The jr. priest seems worried, as he's never given absolution before. The priest sensing his anguish tells him "Don't worry, there's a card posted in the confessional to help you if you're not sure about something" Jr. replies "Thank you, Father, but I'm nervous about my first time"
Father: "that's understandable, I was nervous my first time in the confessional"

The day comes to hear confessions....

A man walks in to the confessional "Forgive me Father, I have sinned"
Priest jr. : "tell me your sins, son"
man : "I've been engaged in illegal activity, stealing"
Priest looks up theft on the card...
"for you penance, you must recite 10 Our Fathers, bless you"

A woman enters the confessional "Forgive me Father, I have sinned"
Priest "Tell me you sins, my child"
Woman "I have impure thoughts & often use profanity"
Priest "recite 10 Our Fathers & 10 Hail Mary's, bless you my child"

Priest thinks to himself, 'this is kinda easy, I think I can manage this'

Just then a man comes "Forgive me Father, I have sinned"
Priest: "confess your sins, son"
Man "I have been unfaithful to my wife"
priest think's 'alright, now we're getting somewhere' "tell me about your adultry"
man: " have been engaged in sodomy with another woman for several months now, & I feel terrible about this act"

Priest looks at the card....nothing about sodomy listed. He opens the back door to the confessional & calls an alter boy over. "son, there's nothing about sodomy listed on the card that the father left for me. Do you know what father normally gives for this act?

Boy replies "usually two chocolate bars & a coke"

This post has been edited by Maj. H8Red: 01/18/06 3:48pm

[Silver]

ouch!

[Hellfighter]

[Mr.Ever-so smart-ass ].

thanks for the compliment, HF. Check this one out....

Pretty good... but that must be the warm-up. Go through your 'archives' some more. Until I get the smuttiest one in your collection I'll subject you to my dopiest JOKES OF ALL TIME!!!!! echooooooo.

A police dog trainer brings his dog into FBI k9 Dvision for a job opening for super dogs.
Training starts.... a horrific 10 mile obstacle course which Woofles does no sweat/little mouth froth. Then the contraband sniffing test- again no prob, coke easily detected in hamper of 3 month old FBI unwashed sock laundry. The FBI director is impressed..... puts a computer/keyboard before Woofles. The director starts dictating, and is astounded as Woofles types out 80 words a minute. The former best rate by Poochiz was only 63 words a minute. The director has one last requirement that no K9 has progressed beyond... "Woofles in this day and age, the FBI requires you to be bilingual!". Woofles with a doggy grin replies "Meoooow".


This post has been edited by Hellfighter: 01/18/06 4:12pm

[Lord Lipton]

Yeah, I got a good joke for y'all



































*shows Hellfighter a mirror*



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

now that made me laugh.

[Hellfighter]

now that made me laugh.

When even Lord Lipton gets traitorous on me [ no doubt by a bribe from H8 with 10 copies of "Big Guns" from his decadent vault] then I need to get all hermity and reclusive..... See you in Cassino Mr.Lipton, very soon [I wish there were flamthrowers in there!].

[Lord Lipton]

i hope to see you, its been awhile since i your ass

[FeezyWeezy]

i hope to see you, its been awhile since i your ass

No one touches my lippy... I'm looking forward to handbagging Hellfighter...muwhaha *giggle* uhhh... j/k

[Hellfighter]

i hope to see you, its been awhile since i your ass

No one touches my lippy... I'm looking forward to handbagging Hellfighter...muwhaha *giggle* uhhh... j/k

you have a legion of adoring/protective minions now Lipton, what have you been doing to get so idolised!?

[Maj. H8Red]

what have you been doing to get so idolised!?

You know the phrase "it's not who ya know, it's who ya "

J/K Lipton.....the door was open

[Maj. H8Red]

A Detroit radio station was having a contest for a new word that's not in the dictionary. the grand prize was two tickets for the 2006 Super Bowl.
the dj answered the phone "hello, caller. Do you have a word not in the dictionary?"
Caller; yes, my word is 'goan'. Spelled g-o-a-n. Afeter several seconds, the dj replies "that word is not found, to qualify, you must use goan in a sentance"
Caller "gaon fuck yourself"
After a while the dj reports on air, "we have not found a winner. get your new words into the station by calling our hotline."
another call came in. The dj answers, "Do you have a new word & be able to use it in a sentance?"
Caller; "yes, my word is 'sme' spelled s-m-e."
several seconds pass, when the dj returns, he replies "caller you word is not found, for two tickets to the 2006 Super Bowl, you must now use 'sme' in a sentance"
Caller; "sme again, goan fuck yourself"

will this work?


*edit*
sorry for everyone who's already seen this....but I felt like whoring a little

This post has been edited by Maj. H8Red: 01/19/06 3:47pm

[<Dolphin>*Girl*]

....but I felt like whoring a little

is that how you got the big screen tv

*edit* <~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~PASSING

This post has been edited by <Dolphin>*Girl*: 01/19/06 5:51pm

[BlackPlague]

LOL

[colonelbounds]

A Detroit radio station was having a contest for a new word that's not in the dictionary. the grand prize was two tickets for the 2006 Super Bowl.
the dj answered the phone "hello, caller. Do you have a word not in the dictionary?"
Caller; yes, my word is 'goan'. Spelled g-o-a-n. Afeter several seconds, the dj replies "that word is not found, to qualify, you must use goan in a sentance"
Caller "gaon fuck yourself"
After a while the dj reports on air, "we have not found a winner. get your new words into the station by calling our hotline."
another call came in. The dj answers, "Do you have a new word & be able to use it in a sentance?"
Caller; "yes, my word is 'sme' spelled s-m-e."
several seconds pass, when the dj returns, he replies "caller you word is not found, for two tickets to the 2006 Super Bowl, you must now use 'sme' in a sentance"
Caller; "sme again, goan fuck yourself"

will this work?
*edit*
sorry for everyone who's already seen this....but I felt like whoring a little

Now that is funny !! I have to give it to you H8 ~~~>

[Maj. H8Red]

....but I felt like whoring a little

is that how you got the big screen tv

*edit* <~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~PASSING

If I was,........I be even more broke than what I am now!

[Hellfighter]

....but I felt like whoring a little

is that how you got the big screen tv

*edit* <~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~PASSING

LOL, ---> that's funny! You got goaned H8...
It's like DG ran ya over/arty'd ya/stug blasted ya for 3 spawns in a row at kraut spawn on Barby.


This post has been edited by Hellfighter: 01/20/06 9:54am