A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, Pull over! at the top of his lungs. No! the blonde yelled back, Scarf!


A blonde went to a hair dresser's one day, listening to a walkman. The hair dresser asked her what she wanted, and the blonde replied, I need to get my hair trimmed, just make sure that you do not take these headphones off. The woman looked at the blonde, surprised, but did as she was told. While she was brushing the blonde's hair, she accidentally bumped the headphones, knocking them to the ground. As she bent down to pick them up, the blonde fell over, onto the floor. The hair dresser was very confused. She picked up the head phones and listened. This is what she heard...breath in...breath out...breath in...breath out...!


A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you.

A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own that she will never open. The bride agrees. After 30 years of marriage, she notices that his drawer has been left open. She peeks inside and sees 3 golf balls and $1,000.
She confronts her husband and asks for an explanation. He explains Every time I was unfaithful to you, I put a golf ball in the drawer. She figures 3 times in 30 years isn't bad and asks But what about the $1,000? He replied Whenever I got a dozen golf balls, I sold them


During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband: Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour? The hubby replied: Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life.

I hope you like them more coming soon....muhahahaha.....

Ok Im back for more jokes.

How are women and tornadoes alike?
They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.


A man is in a bar and has one too many drinks. This beautiful lady sits down next to him. He turns to her and says Hey how bout it. You and me, gettin it on. I've got a couple dollars and it looks like you could use a little money. She stands up and says, What makes you think I charge by the inch.


At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. Don't you want her name engraved upon it? asked the jeweler. The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatic, steadfastly replied,
No, just engrave it: To My One And Only Love. That way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again.


The class assignment in composition was to write about something unusual that happened during the past week. Little Irving got up to read his. Papa fell in the well last week - he began. Good heavens, shrieked Mrs. Kroop, the teacher. Is he all right now? He must be, said little Irving. He stopped yelling for help yesterday.


Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully, the divorce court judge said, And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week. That's very fair, your honor. the husband said And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself!.


=If any of these describe you, you're a redneck!=

You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.

There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.

You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.

Fewer than half of your cars run.

Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.

The primary color of your car is "bondo".

You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.

You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

Your family tree doesn't fork.

Your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.

Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.

You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.

More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.

Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.

You've ever used lard in bed.

Your home has more miles on it than your car.

The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.

The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.

Your brother-in-law is your uncle.

Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.

The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.

You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.

You prominently display a gifts bought at Graceland.

You use the term `over yonder' more than once a month.

The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".

Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.

You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.

Your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.

You think that Don Perignon is a Mafia leader.





Come on guys start posting your jokes, its fun.