Critters, Roadkill? Options

[Shred and Burn]

I don't know if the moon was in the wrong place today or what.

I had 2 squirrels try to commit suicide under my wheels. Then, I'm getting off the turnpike and there is a deer in the middle of the off ramp.

And he's bold as hell. Just looking at me.

I'm going 65 and I'm like "Is that a dog?"

Had to slow down to about 5 mph. Dumbass wouldn't move (city deer?)

I got within about 20 feet, honked my horn and that made him move. Geez.

[Shred and Burn]

Guys, I tried to resist telling this story because it is wrong in so many ways. But I can't help it. The truth must be told. Here is a true story that I call.....

"Curiosity killed the cat"


Before Carol and I got our place, I lived with my brother at his house. The woman across the street had this dog that used to do his business on our lawn. Well, my brother finally had enough of it and, when he saw the woman in her yard one day, he pulled his pickup truck over and went to talk to her. He said "if I see your dog in my yard again, I'm gonna take my shotgun and blow his head off". Scared the crap out of the woman and her kid. And while he is talking to this woman, this damn dog jumps up into the cab of his truck and goes after his McDonalds. So he grabs the dog by the neck and throws it out of the truck. Then he bails. Bad incident.

So, needless to say, this neighbor does not like my brother.

Well, one winter we got word that this woman's cat had gone missing. They had been asking around the neighborhood and nobody had seen it. We knew the cat, but hadn't seen it in awhile.

It used to be common for us to leave the pool uncovered in the winter. We would simply drain the water out until it was about a foot below the rim. Because the ice puts pressure on the sides.

So along comes spring, and the big chunk of ice in the pool is melting. We're sitting on the deck one day and my brother is like "What is that stuck in the ice" Long story short, it was the missing cat.

We've come to the conclusion that he must have fallen into the pool while we were at work and we just never noticed. I'm sure the little bastard paddled for a few hours before he finally succumbed to the murky green water. I'm sure he tried to get his little paw up over the rim and pull himself out, but alas we had drained the pool too much.

Now, neither of us wanted to deal with this so we wrapped him up in a tarp and stuck him next to the garage. We figured it was better to let the woman think her cat ran away than to tell her what really happened. We decided that if her dog poops on the lawn again we'll just give her the cat back.

Just slap a postage stamp on its forehead and stick it in her mailbox.

Eventually the cat began to smell, so we took it to the dump.

Then during the following summer the woman apparently learned the fate of the cat from another neighbor. She had bought a new cat to replace the old cat. And guess what? He went missing on the same weekend that my brother was burning a pile of brush in the yard.

So she comes over screaming "Cat Killer !!!" You killed my cat and now you're burning the evidence!!"

Cops show up. My brother tells the cop the whole story and he just laughs and takes off.

Two years have gone by now and this woman is still suspicious of my brother. I think she did eventually get the new cat back.

Moral of the story: Curiosity kills the cat.







This post has been edited by Shred and Burn: 06/16/07 10:50am